The Undergrad Reads Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 2

For Part 1, go here!

Well, ladies and gents, two more days until I’m back on campus. Until then, I don’t have much else to report about my life, other than the fact that I’ve been working over my spring break and probably have a good $240 (before taxes) to my name. Goodness, it’s nice not being utterly poor anymore.

To make up for my current lack of happenings, I’m just going to crack open the ol’ storybook again and report to you the second chapter of Fifty Shades of Grey. (My inspiration for these blog posts is this video from Charlie McDonnell. Also, I get bored and find myself reading bits of cheap lit from time to time, and I like to share my findings.)

So, drumroll please… HERE BE CHAPTER 2.

The second chapter is a direct continuation of the first, with Anastasia Steele still in Grey House, exiting the elevator with her heart pounding. She stumbles out but manages not to faceplant this time, and she runs unabashedly out of there. Two sentences are dedicated to the description of Seattle’s pure, cool, refreshing air and rain whilst she attempts to regain her balance (because getting out of an elevator is truly a trapeze act).

As her heartbeat and breathing regulate, she thinks about Christian Grey, wondering why she was so intensely affected by the character, and listing off every reason that could explain her odd reaction. Recovered, she heads for the car, and as she drives away, she continues to think of that interview gone wrong, and continues to wonder what it is that allures her to Christian. She realizes he’s arrogant (and I cheered!) but then also thinks that he has every right to be, being as awesome as he is (and I took back my cheer).

Mentally, she curses Katherine Kavanagh for those horrid interview questions she’d made Ana ask. The drive continues, and she begins to play some “thumping indie rock music” as she realizes that, just because Christian told her to drive safely, doesn’t mean she has to follow his orders (indeed, miss, indeed).

First Google Images result for "thumping indie rock music." Let's just say she was listening to this. Whatever this is.

Anastasia arrives home and finds Kate in the living room, donning pajamas and surrounded by textbooks. Kate asks for a run-down, and when Anastasia rebukes her for not giving any background information on Christian, Kate realizes her mistake (way to go, Anderson Cooper). After a quick summary of the goings-on, Anastasia decides she can still make her shift at Clayton’s, which we later learn is “the largest independent hardware store in the Portland area” (Chekhov’s gun? Too early to say? Let’s continue). From this, we also learn that Anastasia isn’t a DIY girl (of course not) but a “curl-up-with-a-book-in-a-comfy-chair-by-the-fire” girl.

And then we hear all about her very significant shift at Clayton’s that day. Wait, whoops, no we don’t. Half a page later, we’re back home with Katherine, who’s now working on typing up the interview for the paper.

“Anaaaaaaaa, you dummy, can’t you see he was flirting with you?!” is basically what tumbles out of Kate’s mouth.

“Whaaaaaaaaat, no he wasn’t,” is basically what Ana thinks.

“Isn’t he cute?”

“No he isn’t.”

“Yes he is, don’t lie.”

“Yes, he is.”

(Not verbatim, but close enough, believe me.)

“You like a boy?!” Kate basically exclaims. (YOU MEAN YOUR GAYDAR WENT OFF TOO, KATE?!) “Anyway, I think he likes you.”


Présenté sans commentaire.

Their conversation ends as they tuck in to some dinner, and Anastasia works on her essay about Tess of the D’Urbervilles, noting that this Tess was “in the wrong place at the wrong time in the wrong century” and nothing more. (Wait, but who is this Tess? Is she significant? Why would you tease me this way?! Sigh… I’ll just stop and Wikipedia it.) Tired, she goes to bed.

“And that was the first night I dreamed of Edward Cullen.”

Heh, whoops. Wrong story. But she did dream of gray eyes that night. Hmmmmm…

This is a gray eye, in case you needed a visual.

Kate and Anastasia bury themselves in their work that week. On Wednesday, Anastasia calls up her mother, and we learn that Mother Dearest has taken up candle making as her new business venture, and that her new husband, while much older than Mother Dearest, seems to be taking care of her well, and is far more grounded than Mr. Mother Dearest #3. (Wait, this is Husband #4?!)

Anastasia then calls up Husband #2, the man she considers her father and whose name she bears. Husband #2 is a manly man, a bowler and a fisher and a carpenter and so on. And his name is Ray Steele.

As in, Rayford Steele from the Left Behind series? No?

Friday night comes upon the girls, and just as they begin to wonder what plans to make, their friend Jose appears on their doorstep with a bottle of champagne in his hands. Jose was the first person Ana meet on campus, and as fate would have it, their fathers were in the same army unit together. He bears good news: his photography is to be displayed at the Portland Place Gallery. He invites them to the opening, and we suddenly learn that Jose, while being a good friend of Ana’s, clearly wants something more. But this is Fifty Shades of Grey, not Fifty Shades of Jose, and so he’s promptly friend-zoned by our narrator.

Anastasia admits that’s she’s never felt attracted to anyone (*cough*except for Kate*cough*), and she wonders if there’s something wrong with her, or if her standards are just too high. Cue a flashback to Christian Grey. Oh yes.

Page turn, and it’s now Saturday. Anastasia is back at Clayton’s, looking up some boring logistical stuff as she eats her bagel. As she works, she happens to look up, and she finds herself staring into the intense eyes of Christian Grey. 

I know I kept joking in my past post that Anastasia would go into cardiac arrest in reaction to Christian, but this time, she beat me to it.

He isn’t looking prim and proper this time; rather, he’s looking outdoorsy, tousled hair and all.


“I was in the area. I need to stock up on a few things,” he says, because 164 miles is totally an okay distance for one to travel in order to stock up on a few things. Ana describes Christian’s voice as “dark melted chocolate fudge caramel…or something,” because the best way to describe something wonderful is to just list off half the toppings at the local buffet’s ice cream bar.

"His voice was like butterscotch sprinkle banana Oreo brownie Whopper nuts...or something."

Blushing furiously, Anastasia offers to help Christian find what he’s looking for. He asks to find cable ties, which for some reason alarms Ana. Her legs turn into Jell-O. (Not literally, of course. But that would be cool.) She points him towards aisle 8, and with a long-fingered hand (yeesh) he invites her to lead the way. She asks why she’s there, the voice in her head assuming he’s there for her; he mentions that he’s there to see some boring stuff I don’t care to recount. They continue, with Christian asking for masking tape, again alarming Ana. At some point, their fingers brush, and Ana’s insides go haywire. Finally, Christian asks for rope, and takes five yards of natural filament rope, which Ana measures, cuts, and ties into a slipknot.


Terse conversation ensues. “What are you into?” Christian asks. “Books,” Ana says. (Intriguing, I tell you.)

Blah blah blah. Christian and Ana keep talking, and Christian makes a joke that involves a mental image of him naked, which Ana can’t manage to shake from her mind. Gotta love innuendo.

“How’s the article coming along?” he asks.

Ana explains that Kate’s writing it, and that they wish they had pictures for it. Christian vaguely offers to attend a photo shoot, and he gives Ana his number. Ana knows that Kate will be thrilled. And suddenly, the chapter ends on the word, “ANA!”

And thus ends Chapter 2.

I don’t have access to any more beyond that, and oddly, I’m not utterly impelled to shell out $10 to read the rest. But I’ll admit, despite the somewhat bland (I’m being kind) writing, even a cynical reader like myself is kept somewhat intrigued, if only by the use of cliffhanger chapter endings.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this mini blogging series of mine. If you really liked it, I’d be happy to continue something similar, but only if you point me in the direction of a piece of (free!!! I’m not investing in anything) work you’d like to have me read for you. (It can be good lit, or bad lit. I don’t care. I have time to spare. And believe me, I’m not always this cynical. Much of the time, I actually find good things to say.)



5 thoughts on “The Undergrad Reads Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 2

  1. LOL that is hilarious and I swear the whole time I was laughing my butt off. It is so funny how the author tries to make it seem like the character has some kind of depth because she like “books” and she listens to “thumping indie rock music”. It’s like trying to force the cream inside the bland twinkie. Thanks so much for your review I was never planning on reading it but I wanted to see what all the hype was about and you made my day.

  2. PS: For some reason whenever I try and picture Grey I get a picture of Seto Kaiba from Yugioh, weird I know but i cant shake that feeling 0_0

    • Huh… I’m not big into Yu-Gi-Oh but I went ahead and looked it up… I’d say that’s a pretty accurate depiction! I think I’m going to keep that in my brain from now on, haha!

      I’m glad you liked my post! It seems I’ve saved several people the time and money that otherwise would’ve been spent on this book. Glad I could be of entertainment! 🙂

  3. I LOVED this! Far more interesting than the actual story. My favourite was the “Edward Cullen” part. Love it!

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