The Tale of Sexual Socrates

I sit in the second row of the lecture hall where my history class takes place. Bear that in mind. Commit that to memory. Second row. Got it? Okay, good.

So there I was, sitting in my usual seat in the second row, notes open on my desk as I scribbled down the information up on the slides my professor was showing. The class is mostly freshmen, so being one of the few sophomores there, I know no one. On my left was a girl I didn’t know, and on my right, a similarly unknown guy. My class is 75 minutes long, and the first 45 or so minutes went by without anything out of the ordinary.

Then I noticed the guy to my right was shifting awkwardly in his seat.Distracted by his movement, I glanced over at him, and something out of place caught my eye: a weird protruding in this guys shorts. Instantly, my brain justified it: it was probably just the zipper of his shorts bunched up all weird. I’ve had that happen. No big deal. I looked back up to keep taking notes but this guy kept squirming, and I couldn’t put him out of my line of sight without losing view of the screen up front. This, unfortunately, meant that I had the perfect view to witness this guy, in the dark of the lecture hall, stick his hand in his pants to adjust himself. 

Fortunately, I saw nothing too revealing, but effectively saw the waistband of his boxers over his hand as he tried to… I don’t even know. Fix the situation? Meanwhile, I was sitting there in shock, trying to put the image out of my head but reeling from the shock that oh my god this freshman guy next to me has a boner in the middle of history lecture!!! 

It must’ve been something he saw, right? I mean, being history class, perhaps he was witness to a topless Egyptian queen?

A worthy contender, Nefertiti.

Then again, we had just been talking about The Odyssey. Maybe he was, um, inspired by the sea nymph Calypso?

I mean, it has to be this, right?

Well, it wasn’t either of those. Let me go ahead and show you exactly what was on the screen at the time.

Oh, well THAT makes sense! Right? …no?

That, my friends, is Socrates. Yes, the philosopher. The same man that once greatly proclaimed, “True knowledge exists in knowing that you know nothing.” That was on the screen at the time of the event. I mean, wow. You must really love philosophy…?

You remember, of course, where I was sitting? Second row of the lecture hall. Not second from the back, no. Literally second row. This guy was sticking his hand into his pants and fiddling with his junk a mere two rows away from our professor. Maybe he didn’t realize that. Maybe he just didn’t really care.

Needless to say, it was a bizarre class today, and I was very, very glad for it to be over. I kinda hope he never sits by me again, though. I’ll never be able to quite look at him the same again.



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