The Tale of Sexual Socrates

I sit in the second row of the lecture hall where my history class takes place. Bear that in mind. Commit that to memory. Second row. Got it? Okay, good.

So there I was, sitting in my usual seat in the second row, notes open on my desk as I scribbled down the information up on the slides my professor was showing. The class is mostly freshmen, so being one of the few sophomores there, I know no one. On my left was a girl I didn’t know, and on my right, a similarly unknown guy. My class is 75 minutes long, and the first 45 or so minutes went by without anything out of the ordinary.

Then I noticed the guy to my right was shifting awkwardly in his seat. Continue reading


Sophomore Year: Night One

World, The Undergrad is back on campus! This is my very first blog post from my new dorm room, and I’ll admit, it feels a bit surreal, especially since my roommate this year is one of my own friends and not a random stranger. I feel more at home now than I ever really did then, to be honest. Continue reading

Enter Summer 2012

The dynamic of this Starbucks is incredibly different. Rather than hungrily hawking out tables close to outlets and attempting to squeeze all my books and my laptop onto dinky, rickety tables, I scored a large table in a matter of seconds, and within a few minutes of my arrival, the entire seating area was cleared. I could sit anywhere. Rather than rubbing elbows with students, suits, and babbling homeless men with just enough coins for a red-eye, I’ve been watching as middle-aged soccer moms and elderly men with tennis-bell-bedecked walkers quietly order their venti, non-whip, nonfat, quad-shot vanilla lattes. Even the walk here was vastly different: there were no screaming nuts standing at bus stops on my journey here, no sketchy looking figures eyeing me and trying to deduce how much money was in my pocket. In fact, there was almost no one on the sidewalk but little ol’ me.

I’m not at school anymore. I’m home. Continue reading

My (Two) Useless Majors

If you want a really strange, gurgly feeling in your stomach, I suggest you do this: drink a 16oz cup of coffee with some half-and-half and two packets of Splenda, follow it with two sips of your friend’s Mountain Dew Voltage, and chase it all down with about 12 ounces of Mountain Dew Code Red.

I don’t feel sick or anything, but my stomach just keeps rumbling. It’s weird. I hope it stops soon, or philosophy class is going to be an awkward seventy-five minutes. Continue reading

The Campus Seating Shuffle

Depending on the hour and location, it can sometimes be hard to find a good seat within the study spaces on campus. Some days, one gets lucky and gets the biggest and best table in the house; other days, one wanders campus hoping the next locale isn’t as full as the last.

I was in the café area of our library once, which happens to be one of the most popular places on campus to go do homework. Walking in, I began to scan the area for an open table, and circling the place once, I finally spotted an empty two-person table. I scurried over to claim it and had my hand inches away from one of the chairs when, from out of a nowhere, a white New Era baseball cap whizzed by me and landed on the table.

Have you ever seen one of these mid-air?! It's an experience.

I looked around and saw its owner standing across the room, still in Frisbee stance with his eyes dead-set on my table. I stared at the hat, and then at the owner, my mouth gaping. He simply shrugged in a sucks-for-you sort of way.

And that was the day I was Indiana Jones’d out of a table. Continue reading

Starbucks vs. My Dorm

Kids (and for some reason, I always hear the word “kids” in Bob Saget’s HIMYM voice), make sure you check your syllabus every day and/or keep you calendar updated with deadlines and test dates for each class. Otherwise, it’ll be 7pm on a Monday night and, as you flip through the pages of your just-arrived Mindy Kaling book (yes, it finally arrived!), your guardian angel will suddenly smack you upside the head and go, “Yo, lazyface, you have a 100-question theology exam tomorrow.”

[Insert four-letter word here. And sure, “cats” or “pony” are both acceptable options.] Continue reading